Level Up

So I'm no longer a freshman. Thus the title "Musings of a College Freshman" seems inadequate. However, I don't want to start a new blog because A) I barely blog anyway and B) idk. So I'm changing the name. Boom done.

Mistakes

So, we all make mistakes. It's not something we like, or are proud of, but it happens. And for the most part, these mistakes are unfortunate, but not horrible. However, every once in a while, we manage to actually fuck up really bad. Really, really, bad.

Luckily for me, even though I made a series of extremely poor choices, I came out of it alright. Call it God, luck, fate, karma, it doesn't matter; the bottom line is I am one lucky kid.

One thing that's really hard when you make a mistake is admitting it and dealing with the shame and judgement of others. Once again, I am so lucky. I am surrounded by caring, understanding people, who have looked past my epic failure almost instantly. I don't what I did to earn such good friends, and while I appreciate them being so amazing, it also makes me feel even worse about letting them down. Which I guess I deserve.

Often, the easiest part of making a mistake is actually physically fixing it. This typically involves a pretty straightforward series of steps. It's the part of the mistake involving people that seems impossible to fix and never really goes back to the way it was.

Despite how ridiculously beyond stupid I was, and how improbably lucky I was, I still regret what happened, but I'm also glad.

For one, I realized that I am not my own self-contained disaster bubble. Everything I do affects others, whether I see it or not. Knowing that my recklessness can hurt others has changed how I think about what I do and will change how I make decisions, knowing that any mistakes I make could hurt my friends.

I also learned a valuable lesson regarding how to handle mistakes. When you make a mistake, even one as horrible as mine, there is nothing you can do to change the past. You can't go back and make different choices. You can only look at the situation and focus on doing what must be done. Do not spend time pitying yourself or looking for others pity. Do not spend hours berating yourself or blaming yourself or others. Simply admit that you did indeed fuck up, and move on. This is by no means easy, but the truth is, none of that stuff will help anyone, accomplish anything, or make the situation better.

Instead, you just have to pick something to do, and do it. Focusing on the things that need to be done and pouring all your energy into them will not only help you and everyone else forget, but it will help you redeem yourself, in your eyes and maybe in others eyes, by showing that you are stronger than your failures and short-comings.

There are no mistakes, just steps you didn't realize were on the right path.

Here's to praying that holds true. In the end, you still control your attitude, if nothing else, so be the kind of person you should be and not the kind of person it's easy to be.

Expectations

Expectations are some of the trickiest things in the whole planet. They skew your perceptions of the world in a certain way, and when they are not met, your whole world is rocked. However, without expectations, we are just lost, confused, and unengaged. We need to expect something in order to really be invested in life, but we have to learn to be flexible when those expectations are different than reality.

I was expecting spring break training to be fun. And at first, all I felt was pain. Lots of pain. But as I began to just expect misery, I realized that I was actually having fun. I remember when I was really little we were carving pumpkins at my grandparents house, and something didn't go exactly as my sister expected it so she stormed off crying. She missed the rest of the fun because she was so set in her one expectation she couldn't enjoy the reality.

With regards to college, I didn't know what to expect. I was expecting Purdue to be kind of boring and lame. But I had no idea beyond that what would happen at college. I was ready to be on my own, and that was really all I knew. Purdue trashed my expectations in the first week. I loved it. Campus was vibrant and there was so much to do! So many people! Then everything I tried surprised me. I joined a sorority, with absolutely NO idea what I was getting into, and actually enjoy it for the most part. I joined crew extremely skeptically thinking it would be way too intense for me, but I've actually come to love it despite all the hard days.

I've also changed a lot as a person, which I didn't expect. I thought I was pretty much going to be the same person I was when I left high school. Saying it out loud, it sounds silly. Of course I wouldn't stay the same. But perhaps what surprised me more than that I changed, is how I changed. I am still me, but I am learning to say more, be more firm in what I think, instead of just burying my own opinions in order to appease those around me.

Some of my changes are less positive. I lost my dedication to school work. I've fully embraced the "real world", learning from spending time out and about with people, instead of staring at my computer calculating integrals. I haven't found the discipline to balance my life and schoolwork. I hear that this particular problem gets easier once you are in classes you actually care about, which makes sense, so I'll buy it. Next semester will hopefully be a little better.

And some things I just didn't expect. I hadn't even considered them. It's amazing how many thing there are in life, how many tweaks to personality, little minute details in how you walk, talk, dress, act, think.  I can't even nail down exactly how or what things have changed, but every once in a while I learn something or someone notices something that I didn't even know existed, like a distinct gait, or things that everyone else just knows/assumes based on little evidence that I am completely unaware of.

One change that I am fighting is becoming more judgmental, making snap assessments of people based on what you first see or hear. I usually just take everything about a person into consideration when I think about them, and I don't fill in the gaps very often, I just wait until people fill them in for me with the truth.

I don't know if this is good or bad, or maybe it's just how I think. But the more I see people make quick decisive decisions about people and filling in the blanks to fit their expectation,s the more I find myself trying to dig in my heels and fight the expectation.

“I think I can.” Is the First and Most Important Step Towards “I did!”

I firmly believe that we are our own greatest enemies. Our pride, above all else, can lead us to miss out on so much of life and the opportunities it has to offer. It can also have serious negative effects on our ability to enjoy life.

For example, many educators and other intelligent individuals have noted that schools are becoming more and more standardized and routine. An emphasis on math an science has led many to become accuracy students, seeking a “right” answer and a “wrong” answer, clear-cut solutions, and points. Public education has become a numbers game revolving around finding a designated answer.

This constant pressure towards perfection is overwhelming and can become very unhealthy. Students lose the ability to think creatively, suggest radical approaches, and accept failure.

Failure (which for many highly-motivated students is an 80%) is crushing, embarrassing, frustrating, and depressing. The entire future seems to ride on getting at least 100% on every activity, and any mistakes are unacceptable. Students cheat and take short cuts in order to make the grade, leaving actual learning and understanding by the way side.

I recognize the importance of getting correct answers, and I also appreciate the need to learn lessons of failure, balance, and acceptance on your own. The system in practice tends to lead to far more stress and less learning than it should

However, the reality is that people make mistakes. Thomas Edison said, “If I find 10,000  ways that don’t work, I haven’t failed. I’m not discouraged because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” he didn’t get embarrassed when the first lightbulb didn’t light up the night. He didn’t say, “Oh my gosh! I’m so dumb! I quit!” It’d be a dark day had Edison said, “Screw this lightbulb thing. I’ll just use some candles or something. (Pun unintended but funny.)

When we tell the Doubting Thomas (It’s funny because my last name is Thomas) in our head to shut the fuck up and let us do our thing, we are capable of so much more than we anticipated! And even when things don’t go as intended, you’ve still gained the knowledge and experience from the attempt.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” and I agree. Next time you want to do something, but don’t think you can, tell yourself you can’t, don’t want to embarrass yourself, or others tell you you can’t, think about a world where two crazy guys never tried to make a wooden structure suspend itself in the air. Imagine an eccentric inventor who gave up on lightbulb 3, or 5, or 99. Now imagine what the world might miss if you don’t try. You’ll never know, and neither will anyone else, but it would sure suck to spend your whole life wondering if you had tried that, if you had stuck your neck out there, and ground out one more try, could you have cured cancer? Could you have found a way to conserve energy? Could you have helped ease an international conflict or feed starving people? Could you have made even a small positive impact? If you don’t try, you know you won’t. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”- Michael Jordan.

So don’t be afraid to fail. When you fall, you get back up with battle scars that show the world a piece of who you are. Don’t be your own roadblock, just jump into life. You only live  once, and the pain of sacrifice is much less than the pain of regret.

What I Really Did in ENGR 131

Stereotypes

Without college I do not know where I would be! Apparently, you can’t judge everyone with even one characteristic in common the same way! ( *GASP*)

Not all blondes are dumb, not all Asians like math, not all boys are tough, not all jocks are dumb, not all gamers are antisocial, not all non-Christians are devil worshipers. ( In fact, practically no non-Christians are devil worshipers. Go figure)

Luckily for me, two of my classes are really educating me about stereotypes and the dangers of stereotyping. The irony? As my professor lectures our class telling us not to stereotype, she is stereotyping entire countries. Props Prof.

Regardless, I am glad I am finally learning that you have to treat every individual with respect. Mind. Blown.

We should also be sure to use sports analogies that no one can relate to.

Assume that everyone knows NOTHING!

Lesson learned.

And no matter what, you should get offended by every off-hand comment that could be remotely offensive, and cry. Cry ‘til you die.

And try as you might, you will always fuck up. So do not ever fuck up.

When Hot Pink Tarantulas Take Over the World

What I Actually Did in ENGR 131:

When Hot Pink Tarantulas Take Over The World:

A Guide on How to Survive The Trying Times and Oppression Under Neon Arachnids

The day you wake up and find that minuscule hot pink tarantulas have taken over the world will be the worst day of your life. In order to make your suffering both hilarious and miserable, we’ve written this guide to prepare you.

The first thing you ought to remember is: PANIC! The whole entirety of creation and intelligent life has succumbed to blindingly pink, terrifyingly midget-esque bugs! There will never be a dark day again! Mosquitos will cease to swarm and suck your blood! How will you survive without itchy bites and a risk of west nile and malaria? You won’t.

Step Two. Cry. I mean, let it flood. Turn on the water works and let ‘em run. If you cry a river, you’re an underachiever. If you cry enough to flood the whole worlds and kill all the pesky spiders of a neon hue, then you have probably killed yourself too. Idiot.

Step three. Let a spider bite you. Chances are these unsettling, minute, garishly pink monsters are radioactive. Thus, you should get as many to bite you as you can. It’s a proven fact that you will then get super spidey powers. These powers, include, but are not limited to, the ability to climb water spouts, swing on nasty sticky ropes, get your ass kicked, kill your friend’s dad, be an ass, be emo, and have no romantic success. Oh, and lots of people will hate you and try to shoot you. (With bullets and cameras) What wouldn’t be fun about all that?

If you have faithfully followed these steps, chances are you are having a ball in the hot pink tarantula-run world. In order to ensure eternal misery, you must do one final thing. Sleep with you mouth open every night. On average you eat eight spiders a year while sleeping. However, do to the massive influx of spiders, you ought to eat at least 10 spiders a night. Fear not, the entire expanse of the once-free planet, hub of all creativity, beauty and intelligence is complete saturated with an unimaginable number of these particular flashy tarantulas. 

You are now fully prepared for the terror and prolonged melancholy that will ensue once the nan-sized, shockingly pink-pigmented killer tarantulas take over the world.

Happy Doom!

Home

Home is one of the most important things you can have. In Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs, a home provides for shelter and safety, two of the mot basic needs. But more than that, a home provides a place of love and belonging.

A home is not just a physical location. A home is comprised of far more than walls and floors. Home is the people and places where you are free to be oneself, safe from normal social dangers, defended against the elements, embraced, encouraged, refreshed, and comforted.

A large part of home is family. While your family can be those you are related to by blood or law, your true family is composed of those whom you love and enjoy. You may not always agree with family or like them, but when it comes right down to it, family is the people you know will always catch you when you fall.

Given this definition, family ceases to be dictated, and becomes a choice. As a young child, you are stuck with the traditional family, for better or for worse. As you grow more independent, family may expand to include friends, or even other families. The more people you meets in sports, clubs, schools, bands, neighborhoods, religious groups, or other activities, the more your family may expand.

It is at this point, both in this essay and in life, that you must be careful in identifying and distinguishing friends from family. Friends come in all shapes and sizes. They are the people we meet, and continue to spend time with because of similar interests. Friends can have a huge impact on what we do, think, and say. However, friends tend to flow in and out of our lives, and do not change our core beliefs. It is not a reflection of poor friendship on either side, it is simply how life is.

Family never leaves, though they may not seen or spoken to every day. They are the people who you will never live without. No matter where they are, Indiana, California, Germany, or dead, they are a crucial part of you and your history. Try as we may sometimes, we are never rid of our family. And deep down, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Another distinction that can be made between family and friends  is that while friends can stab us in the back, it is family who can completely dismember us. Harsh worlds or unkind acts from a friend may hurt, but they cannot cut as deep or last as long as those wounds created by a family member. The bonds between friends are like woven ropes, while the bonds of family are like steel cords embedded deeply into who we are. When the bonds of family break, or even strain, we feel the pain in the core of who we are.

Those who we consider friends can become our family, and those whom society may call our “family” may only be friends or acquaintances. By weathering storms together, making a conscious effort, and truly desiring for another to be all they can be, a simple acquaintance may become a dear family member.

For the most part, it is unnecessary to articulate who is a friend and who is a family member, but at critical junctures in our life, it is important to step back and take stock of those around us; those whom we know and enjoy, those whom we love, those whom we ought to reconnect with, and those whom we must let the swift tides of life carry away on their own journeys.

 We may never replace our family, but we can expand it. That way, wherever we go, we may always find the comfort of home.