When Hot Pink Tarantulas Take Over the World

What I Actually Did in ENGR 131:

When Hot Pink Tarantulas Take Over The World:

A Guide on How to Survive The Trying Times and Oppression Under Neon Arachnids

The day you wake up and find that minuscule hot pink tarantulas have taken over the world will be the worst day of your life. In order to make your suffering both hilarious and miserable, we’ve written this guide to prepare you.

The first thing you ought to remember is: PANIC! The whole entirety of creation and intelligent life has succumbed to blindingly pink, terrifyingly midget-esque bugs! There will never be a dark day again! Mosquitos will cease to swarm and suck your blood! How will you survive without itchy bites and a risk of west nile and malaria? You won’t.

Step Two. Cry. I mean, let it flood. Turn on the water works and let ‘em run. If you cry a river, you’re an underachiever. If you cry enough to flood the whole worlds and kill all the pesky spiders of a neon hue, then you have probably killed yourself too. Idiot.

Step three. Let a spider bite you. Chances are these unsettling, minute, garishly pink monsters are radioactive. Thus, you should get as many to bite you as you can. It’s a proven fact that you will then get super spidey powers. These powers, include, but are not limited to, the ability to climb water spouts, swing on nasty sticky ropes, get your ass kicked, kill your friend’s dad, be an ass, be emo, and have no romantic success. Oh, and lots of people will hate you and try to shoot you. (With bullets and cameras) What wouldn’t be fun about all that?

If you have faithfully followed these steps, chances are you are having a ball in the hot pink tarantula-run world. In order to ensure eternal misery, you must do one final thing. Sleep with you mouth open every night. On average you eat eight spiders a year while sleeping. However, do to the massive influx of spiders, you ought to eat at least 10 spiders a night. Fear not, the entire expanse of the once-free planet, hub of all creativity, beauty and intelligence is complete saturated with an unimaginable number of these particular flashy tarantulas. 

You are now fully prepared for the terror and prolonged melancholy that will ensue once the nan-sized, shockingly pink-pigmented killer tarantulas take over the world.

Happy Doom!